The hidden struggle of high functioning anxiety in the workplace and at home

On the surface, you seem like the colleague everyone can rely on. You meet deadlines, prepare thoroughly, and handle challenges with composure. People may describe you as dependable, organised, and even calm. But beneath the surface, the reality can feel very different.

Inside, there is a constant hum of worry. You replay conversations, fear making mistakes, and keep pushing yourself to meet an invisible standard that never feels good enough. You mask the anxiety, showing confidence on the outside, while inside you are running on empty.

And when the workday ends, the mask does not always come off. These patterns often spill into your personal life, affecting your relationships, your health, and even your ability to rest.

If this feels familiar, you are not alone. Many people live and work this way without others ever knowing the strain it takes.

What high functioning anxiety looks like at work

Outwardly, it might look like:

• Consistently high performance and reliability.

• Always being prepared and going the extra mile.

• Taking on more work because others know you can “handle it.”

• A calm, professional exterior that rarely cracks.

• Being the one to organise family events, birthdays, and holidays.

• Saying yes to social invitations even when you desperately need rest.

• Maintaining a calm exterior with friends or family while internally battling overwhelm.

• Keeping up appearances at home — tidy house, busy schedule — even when exhausted.

But inwardly, it often feels like:

• A constant stream of overthinking and self-doubt.

• Fear of disappointing others or not meeting expectations.

• Pressure to keep the mask in place at all costs.

• An exhausting need to keep proving yourself.

• A sense that your body is gradually crumbling under the pressure or giving up on you, with tension, illness, and fatigue becoming a constant background presence.

• A painful feeling that even the people closest to you cannot see what you are going through — as if you are silently screaming for help behind a mask no one else can hear or see through.

This pattern is sometimes referred to as high functioning anxiety. You do not need the label to recognise how heavy it feels. The truth is, masking takes energy, and over time it comes at a cost.

The hidden costs of masking

At first, you may manage. But over time, the effort of performing while concealing your inner struggle often leads to:

• Emotional exhaustion: constantly “on,” never fully resting.

• Recurrent burnout: cycles of overachieving, crashing, and repeating.

• Strained relationships: struggling to be authentic or ask for help.

• Eroded self-worth: believing your value is only in what you achieve.

• Loss of connection at home: being present physically but not mentally or emotionally.

• Guilt during downtime: feeling like rest or joy must always be earned through achievement.

Signs you might be experiencing this

Many people do not realise they are in this pattern until they pause and reflect. Some common signs include:

• You feel more drained than others after a typical workday.

• You keep pushing even when unwell, and often end up completely knocked down by sickness.

• You replay conversations or decisions in your mind, worrying how you came across.

• You say yes when you want to say no, because you do not want to let others down.

• You finish tasks, but only by working late or sacrificing rest.

• Compliments feel undeserved, because you only notice your flaws.

• Despite achievements, you rarely feel “enough.”

• You rarely feel present with family or friends, because your mind is still busy or anxious.

• You feel guilty if you are not “doing” something productive at home.

• Even when surrounded by people you love, you sometimes feel deeply alone — the struggle inside you is invisible to others, leaving you feeling like you need to carry it all on your own.

Recognising yourself here is not about labelling or judging. It is about noticing the toll that constant pressure is taking on you. And you do not need to fix everything at once. Even one small shift can start to make a difference.

What colleagues and leaders should know

If you see some of the signs above in a colleague, it may not be obvious that they are struggling. People with high functioning anxiety often appear competent, organised, and in control. That is why they are frequently given more work, trusted with high-stakes projects, and praised for their reliability — yet quietly, they may be reaching breaking point.

This does not mean you need to go searching for hidden struggles in others. Instead, it is about creating a culture where balance, rest, and honesty are supported so that people do not feel they have to mask how they are really doing.

If you lead or work with someone like this, here are practical ways you can help:

• Avoid overloading them just because they rarely say no. Notice if they are consistently taking on more than others and step in to support balance.

• Recognise effort, not only outcomes. Acknowledge dedication, but also highlight and model the importance of sustainable ways of working.

• Normalise wellbeing conversations. Ask open, supportive questions such as: “How’s your workload feeling?” or “What support would help right now?” Small check-ins can make a big difference.

• Model healthy behaviour. When leaders skip breaks, send late-night emails, or push through illness, it signals that this is expected. Show instead that it is okay to log off, take breaks, and rest when needed.

• Encourage boundaries. Support team members who decline extra work or suggest adjusted timelines. Respecting this choice helps to reduce guilt and pressure.

• Notice early signs of burnout such as frequent illness, withdrawal, or perfectionism intensifying. Approach with compassion and practical support rather than criticism.

• Highlight the benefit to everyone. A culture that allows people to recover, set boundaries, and work sustainably creates healthier teams, higher engagement, and more creativity.

What family and friends should know

The same patterns that show up at work often appear at home. Your loved one may keep saying yes, keep showing up, and keep looking “fine,” while inside they are carrying exhaustion and anxiety.

Here are ways to support them:

• Do not assume they are okay just because they look in control.

• Offer gentle, non-judgemental space to share what they are feeling. Listening often matters more than fixing.

• Encourage rest and reassure them that slowing down does not mean they are failing.

• Be mindful of overcommitment at home — support them in saying no to things, and where possible take over some of the tasks and responsibilities. Remember, the mental load of constantly managing and planning can be just as exhausting as the doing itself.

• Show emotional presence. Sometimes, sitting together quietly is the most powerful form of support.

  
  

Towards a healthier way of being and working

If you live with this constant inner pressure, know this: you are not broken. You are already strong and capable, but you do not need to keep burning yourself out to prove it. Start with one small change, whether that is a pause, a boundary, or a conversation. That alone is enough to begin shifting the cycle.

And if you work alongside or care for someone like this, your understanding and compassion can make a profound difference. Creating safe and supportive environments is not just about avoiding burnout. It is about enabling people to thrive authentically, both in the workplace and at home.

Finding healthier ways forward means looking at the whole picture. The same patterns that drive you at work, such as overcommitting, masking how you really feel, or pushing through exhaustion, often follow you into your personal life. By learning to rest without guilt, share more openly, and let others carry part of the load, you allow yourself to show up more fully in both spaces.

The path to a healthier way of living and working does not require an overnight transformation. It begins with awareness, compassion, and the courage to take one step at a time. Each small change, whether at work or in life, is a step toward balance, connection, and being seen for who you truly are.